I just finished reading Surrounded by Idiots, a book about personality. I didn’t agree with much of it as it is based on some flaky ideas about behaviour. However, there were some useful points.
The main element was to emphasise how people are different, and should be treated differently depending on how they react. This seems solid and uncontroversial. It comports with my experience.
So, inspired by this message, here are some of the unhelpful reactions you see when coaching. As a coach, learning to deal with them will help you get to coaching more quickly.
A quick note with all of these behaviours; once you have identified people who do them, agree these behaviours are not helpful and use the rule of three to make it a two-way street where the player is working on stopping them before they become disruptive.
Not engaged
A lot of people have a quiet, laid-back character. They enjoy many of the aspects of sport, but novelty is not one of them. They don't like to do things differently and will resist (through inaction) doing much of anything unless they know exactly how it’s going to work. This is not a flaw, it's just how they are wired. They like traditional ways, they like drilling and they like instruction.
This can come across as avoiding conflict, being passive-aggressive or slow to start things because they need a lot of clarity about what's going to happen.
When you understand this motivation, you can adapt to it: Do activities that are familiar. Build in time to explain new activities. Remind these players why an activity is important and the positive benefits it will give them.
If you give feedback, remember they will try to ignore it. Don't let them, ask them how they will act on it then follow up.
Self-critical
Related to being laid-back is the ability to be highly self-critical. Those who say "I can't do it" or "I never get anything right" then give up and refuse to participate.
This requires a long term switch of mindset. However, in the short term, you can get them moving with a simple, old-fashioned praise sandwich. Tell them something they are doing well, agree something they can do better, then finish with something else they are doing well.
This does two things. First it provides a feeling of security that it’s not all bad. They are not failures. Second, it switches the focus from being a terrible person to changing behaviour. The player has something concrete to focus on, and can attempt to do it for the rest of the session.
Dominating
We all know players who try to control everything. They bowl more than anyone in the nets by jumping the line. They bat longer by taking the turn of more passive players. They talk more than anyone in the huddle, telling others what to do and acting as a proxy command-style coach.
They think this is fine as others just accept it.
The solution is simple; don’t let it happen.
Some players - and coaches - will accept the dominant character doing what they do. As coaches we need to step in. Get these players quickly into activity then make sure they are not “stealing balls” from others. In the huddle, make sure others get the chance to speak. If you don’t, a domineering player will take all the opportunities.
Impatient
If being passive is one problem, the opposite is also true: wanting to get to the game too quickly.
“Can we just hit balls” or “Can we play a proper match?” are questions that often come up, driven by an urgency to crack on with practice. These players see it as getting on with things, while others see these players as being too hasty when the team is unclear on what is happening.
While we don’t want to dally, there are times when coach-led explanations and demonstrations are needed. Proper review and reflection is also important but impatient players are resistant to it. At these times, the impatient players will cause friction - not listening, causing disruption and having arguments - which they won’t see as a problem.
When that happens, it’s important to make it clear why these pauses are important to the final outcome.
Then it’s important to get through explanations and reflections as efficiently as possible. Don’t get side-tracked. I often set a fixed time to reflect and plan and it’s never more than 30 seconds. Impatient players appreciate this.
The impatient ones will still get distracted easily, but you can help them tolerate the talking if you promise to keep chat to a minimum (and then do).
Blaming others
In team sports, it’s easy to avoid responsibility by pointing the finger. In younger people it it could be petty accusations (“he called me names”), with older groups it tends to be more task-focused (“you are bowling too many wides”) or wildly unspecific (“what ARE you doing?”). Whatever it is, the underlying point is to shift the blame onto someone else.
Similarly, other people are very focused on things being correct. If the perfectionist sees an error they feel obliged to correct it. They see it as being honest but it can come across as callous.
When this happens, treat it as an opportunity to teach how to deliver effective feedback. The process is:
Identify what happened and what influence this had on the task or other people in the group.
Tell the person clearly how you saw it.
Explain something they can do differently next time.
A technical example is “I’ve noticed you try and hit straight balls to the leg side and get bowled, could you try and hit them straighter?”. A behaviour example is “when you chat when it’s your turn to bowl I get fewer balls to face and that is frustrating. Could you bowl when it’s your turn?”.
The key is the separate the behaviour from the person. Feedback is not, as some assume, a judgement of your entire character as a human.
Honesty is vital but so is a genuine desire to help a team mate improve (rather that cause friction, upset or correct an error for the sake of perfectionism). Deliver feedback with sensitivity and accuracy and you have a shot at getting it right.
Rejecting feedback
Giving effective feedback is a skill. Accepting feedback is equally difficult to get right. There are a number of possible deflections:
Ignoring it
Feeling persecuted
Angry denial
Not believing it
Whatever the reaction, the trick is to take the opportunity to teach - and reteach - how to accept feedback.
Listen to what is being said and accept it as a genuine attempt to help.
Acknowledge feedback has been given and accepted.
Act on the feedback as soon as possible.
Ideally every player will know their common reactions to feedback so they understand what to do. Even if they don’t know, they can stick to the “3A” process to avoid the anger, denial or persecution complex.
Arguments
Some players are masters at the unhelpful disagreement. There are a few reasons for this, and understanding the motivation for an argument changes how you deal with each one.
A common sticking-point is arguing over rules or game formats. Some people are sticklers for the details and want every last eventuality to be agreed. Others - as we know - want to “just play”. The former will discuss until the cows come home while the latter are happy to become aggressive to stop all the - as they see it - pointless talk.
Challenge aggressive behaviour (such as talking over each other) immediately and make sure it’s a clear expectation teammates stay on topic and listen to each other.
Personally, I find this very difficult to enforce as it happens so much, especially with teenagers in a school setting with multiple motivations. Despite a clear expectation, many can’t help themselves. I am often challenging a lack of respectful group communication. Patience helps as kids take time to learn effective behaviour. So do smaller group discussions, sanctions and positive reinforcement with some players (not everyone though). I have also had success with running sessions that focus mainly on communicating. For example, setting a stopwatch on how long we can go in a huddle without an interruption.
Another area of conflict is those players who are more socially-focused and less task driven. These players don’t see the issue, but it annoys those who want to get going and arguments can result. More on the social players in a moment.
Meanwhile, keep the discussion as relevant as possible, understanding that some people want a bit longer than others. No-one is wrong, they just have different tolerances and need to respect each other.
Finish with clearly agreed game rules and behaviours. Be clear on the rewards for success and the consequences for unacceptable behaviour. Also remember, no method is totally effective as group motivations vary so much. It’s always going to be trial and error until you get a handle on player motivations in each group.
Distraction
Some players like to talk more than play because they enjoy the interaction more than the sport. They are the ones who try to joke around or get off-topic during a huddle. These players love to be popular and the centre of attention. To them monologues and side comments are not a distraction, they are the best part of the session.
Others react either by getting annoyed and telling these players to get on with it or passively giggling at the antics. Either way, the session becomes more about the chat than the cricket.
Environment is so important to these players, your role as coach is to help them create a happy, friendly place while also learning the boundaries and tolerances of those with more of a task focus. As a good coach you can find time for stories, jokes and being social but it can’t disrupt the session too far. Social secretaries need to earn the right to chat. Each group will be different so there is no set solution as to how far this goes. A recreational team having their weekly net and a catch up can tolerate much more social time than an academy with hopeful professionals (although both sides need both task and social elements).
That said, socially-driven players always need reminding that a task-focus and becoming more successful as a result is a great way to make them popular. There is a “win-win” for everyone.
When the jokes get distracting, saying something like “I feel like everyone would like it better if we made the fun by playing” helps the focus without criticising the person. Just beware, as these players can also be very sensitive to perceived criticism. Remember, they don’t chat as a problem, they see it as the point.
Once again, clearly agreed behaviours are your friend as they can be referred back to if the chat goes too far.
Martyr complex
Linked to distractions (above) are players who don’t recognise their unhelpful behaviour, then act the martyr when they are called out for it.
Remember these players are mainly driven by being social. Any rejection of these efforts (no matter how unhelpful their behaviour to a session) makes them feel unloved and disrespected. They blame others, saying they are being persecuted in some way. For example, “She doesn’t like me so she’s deliberately bowling wides”. They become a helpless victim in their own minds. They disengage with the session.
Regardless of the facts, this is how the player feels. As coaches we often try to come to the rescue and solve the problem, but this just further feeds the victim mentality.
Instead deal with it by,
Address the behaviour of the martyr. If they are outside of agreed behaviour (stopping to chat, sitting down, complaining) remind them what you agreed and ask if they are still able to do this.
When the martyr starts their victim talk (“he’s got it in for me, there’s nothing I can do”), remind them they cannot control the behaviour of others, only themselves. Get back to their behaviour agreement.
Finish with practical steps they agree to take and get back to the session. It’s important the player buys into the next action or they will think you are also a persecutor and will continue to resist (although their tactics may change to make it look like they are not resisting).
Asking for details
Another common trait is wanting as much detail as possible. I’m sure you can think of a player who has a million questions in the huddle. They don’t want to start until they fully understand everything. This can become counter-productive as you have trouble getting to the action. More impatient types get annoyed while more passive and chatty players are happy for the questions to be asked as it delays the start.
If the team you coach has these players you need to come prepared. Answer questions as accurately as possible and don’t try to blag it. They want the facts not vague ideas. Don’t spend too much time explaining why it’s important, instead explain that while details matter, being too slow will prevent the session being effective.
The good news is the detailed question asker is usually very task focused. They want to do a perfect job so they are thinking it through thoroughly. This is to be applauded. You just need to rein in the extremes.
Conclusions
Unhelpful behaviours stem from multiple motivations. These often compete such as those you like to chat compared with those who like to act. As a coach it’s impossible to get to the bottom of every motivation and adapt yourself to the needs of the team. You also need buy-in from players to learn to adapt as well.
By using the tools above, coupled with trying to work out individual motivations, we start better meeting the needs of players and have a chance of running better sessions as coaches.
For me personally, this working out how to be as effective as possible with real people is what makes coaching so rewarding and important a job.